Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Pissy....

I woke up this morning in some sort of crappy ass mood! Last nite I had hoped to make it to the pool and run-i did neither! We went much later than we should have at work and I got home around 9pm and all I wanted to do was sit on my couch with Velcro and my kitties in my girlie soft nightie and watch the Tour de France! I told myself...self...get up at 430am on wednesday to run before work! Well-that didn't happen! Because slug tired Penny decided that sleep felt way better than running! Now, I know I'm tired! As a matter of fact I'm exhausted and really need to sleep! I'm never able to catch up on my sleep on the weekends because I usually work a 68-70 hour work week and work until 3 or 4am on saturday! Kinda hard to turn yourself around and wake up on monday at 5am....so when my body screams for sleep-i listen!!

But it doesn't make it any easier when I feel fat and nasty! Which is how I'm feeling right now which is why I'm in a crappy ass mood! I'm tired, feel ugly, fat, I'm alone, I have no life and I'll soon be unemployed! No wonder my constant companion is Velcro! Of course it didn't make me feel any better this morning when I was taking pictures of my fat torso for the Camelbak people! They wanted a picture with me in the Camelbak Racebak-ha! I couldn't pull it over my shoulders with the insulated padding in the reservoir pouch! Talk about making yourself feel horrible!! Boy I felt fatter than I possibly am!!! Yes I cried on the way into work today! Yes I felt sorry for my stupid self! Penny-you have a good life!! Stop complaining! It could be so much worse!!

Sorry-i just needed to vent and write down my feelings before I snapped at my co workers!! They know I'm in a shitty mood so they know it's not them...but I hate being like this!!

I'm tired and need some time off but can't afford to have time off! Must pay for my kid's college tuition! The ex-husband doesn't contribute to him in anyway so it's all me!! My job ends on tuesday and I have nothing full time again until January when GLEE, hopefully, comes back!! And to top it all off, I'm flying to San Fran on saturday morning to run in a half marathon that has a time limit to finish that I feel I'm not prepared for!! All of you get such great long runs in and I can't do shit!
Sent via Penny's BlackBerry

7 comments:

Terri said...

Oh...Penny. I just want to reach out to you and hug you. Really, I do. I could see on Twitter today that you were not having a good day.

Does it help to know someone cares about you, even if they are on the other side of the country, in addition to your son? I hope so. you have such a big heart, penny. Please don't get so down on yourself. I think right now you're just looking at everything as a whole, something I used to do and get very overwhelmed. paralyzed, almost.

What do you think Velcro could say if she could speak in English? :-) I think she'd tell you that you are the best mom in the world, to more than just your 4-legged kids.

Jo Lynn said...

Wow girl. That's some serious beating yourself up crap. I'm sorry you feel that way about yourself. You don't have anyone close to you that can keep your mind straight.

Don't worry. We'll have a good time on Saturday. You'll be able to relax and take it easy. Hopefully re-energize yourself a little bit. And the time cut-off on Sunday? You'll be fine. You've got it in you.

Take a deep breath. Just close your eyes and breathe. ;)

JenZen said...

Girl - sending you a HUGE OLE HUG!!! We all have days like that. You have been working so much and so hard and still finding time for Velcro, but when is it time for you? You are an awesome fun, positive, inspiring person. I love reading your posts and tweets. You're always so supportive, so now it's my turn. YOU ROCK!!!! You can do it!! You've got to Accent-uate the Postive...(come on...you know the song...don't be afraid to sing along...) :) hee.. Mmmmwahhh!!!

you going to see Willie this weekend?

cami said...

Oh Penny, I'm so sorry for the way you feel. I think you're just burned out from all work and no rest. I honestly don't know how you do it. You're much stronger than me. Can you just take a whole day off JUST to yourself? Turn off your phone. And sleep for like...12-14 hours. It's amazing how restorative (physically and emotionally) a good night sleep can be -better than any drug.
I hope you have a wonderful time in San Fran.

Mel-2nd Chances said...

Penny, I agree with everyone else. You've been working so hard... so easy to be self-deprecating when you have no energy to fight it. Cry if you need to, scream if it makes you feel better, but know that you're a good person. Hugs.

RBR said...

We all have those days when it all seems to crash down on your head. You are beautiful and wonderful and this is just one bad day.

Cut off schmut-off, you are going to rock it!

I am soooo looking forward to this weekend!

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